Chudo hummed to himself as he stirred his stew. The aroma from inside the large cauldron made him salivate. He dipped his ladle into the horrifying mixture of broth, eyeballs, tongues, and intestines.
He was a voodoo priest who specialized in shrinking heads. He lived in a straw hut that was supported by chicken legs. His house was surrounded by a fence made of bones with skulls on top that emitted spectral light.
He grabbed a discarded finger bone, and began to sharpen his teeth. “What shall I get my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day?”
His question was answered when he heard a young man reciting poetry under a nearby tree. “Ah yes,” Chudo muttered, “That’s just the thing.”
The young man became startled as Chudo ran out of his hut. “Do not fear me! I like poetry. I’m here to inspire.” He handed the poet a mirror.
The young poet fumbled with the mirror, confused. As he glanced at his reflection, his soul became trapped, and his body was bound by invisible shackles.
Chudo performed a ritual to retrieve the poetry from the young man’s mind. He stayed up all night scribbling down the words. Then he placed the poet’s body into a jello mold to save for later.
The next morning, he grabbed a fistful of random poems to give to his girlfriend. Yudo was grateful for the present.
A couple hours later, Yudo pounded on Chudo’s door. “Why did you give me this?!” she screamed as she threw an iron kettle at his head.
Chudo was confused. He didn’t understand why his girlfriend was so angry.
The next day, Yudo arrived at his house, smiling. “I have a gift for you. It will arrive at 3 a.m.”
Chudo awoke at three in the morning. His body felt strange. As he unzipped his pants to urinate, his noticed that his penis had shrunk to the size of a pencil eraser. It had also shriveled up. A large rat ran across the floor with a note in its mouth. It was from his girlfriend. “You gave me a Valentine’s gift of break-up poetry. I gave you the gift you deserve. Ha! Ha! Yudo.”