“Hey, I never noticed this place before,” Ted said, as he glanced up at the red brick building.
“Lucifer’s,” was spelled out in yellow fluorescent lights. Pictures of nude women were plastered all over the door.
“That’s strange,” Ted thought to himself, “This bar is only open from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. How do they make any money?”
“Give me the best beer you got.” He handed the beautiful, scantily dressed woman a twenty-dollar bill.
“We don’t accept this currency,” she glared at him.
“O.K., what do you accept? Foreign currency? Bitcoin?”
“You’ve got to solve this problem,” the bartender winked at him and flashed her boobs. “What is the cosine of 69?”
“O.K., I’ll play along.” Ted thought about it for a moment. “I’m not sure. Is it 13?”
“Sorry,” she said.
A trap door opened underneath Ted’s barstool, and he fell into a spiked pit.
“How much for a gin, and tonic?” Jack inquired.
“You’ve got to solve a little problem for me,” the bartender teased, as she revealed part of her crotch.
“Anything for you!” Jack’s eyes lit up.
“What’s the tangent of 666?”
“That’s easy,” he replied. “It’s – 1. 4!”
The bartender handed him his drink.
“But I didn’t pay for this yet.”
“Oh, yes you did,” she winked. “You can order as many drinks as you want tonight.”
The next morning, Jack woke up in a fog. He rubbed his eyes, stretched, and glanced in the mirror. “What the fuck?!”
His reflection had changed. He had transformed into a pimply-faced nerd, wearing glasses, and a pocket protector.
The phone rang. He checked the caller’s I.D., and three sixes came up on the screen. “Hello?”
He heard hideous laughter, followed by the bartender’s voice. “You will never get laid again!”
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